All Hoop-Love: A Dissenting Opinion

Hooping.org recently established a new
Facebook community after observing,
"In light of recent events we’ve all come
to an agreement that it’s time to help bring
the community norm of hoop love back,
before we see it disappear once and for all."

Hooping communities are full of folks whose proximity and solidarity (as a distinctive tribe in a larger society that may not fully understand dancing with plastic circles) prompt the creation of supportive, nurturing creative space. With that said, the very best of communities are prone to disagreement, competition, and social confusion.

We are, after all, human. As human bundles of memory and mind, as muscled vehicles of ego and culture, we should be wise and realistic enough to realize that the humanness that unites us also divides us. Nature (to borrow philosophy via Jurassic Park) tends toward chaos. Communities curve toward change. Thus plants thrive and wilt in competition for finite resources. Animals hunt and mark boundaries. River and rain re-carve the creek banks. Microcosms of moss flourish on decaying bark.

With this in mind, the hoop community’s idealism for a conflict-free, all-hoop-love-all-the-time space just is not a feasible reality.

Don’t mistake me. It is a beautiful idea. It is a vision that gives me hope and informs my personal hoop-journey as well as how I present myself in my communities. I love hoop-love and believe it serves us well as a mantra.

So I’m not advocating that we abandon our ideals. Rather, I propose we temper our responses to perceived violations of this vision with realism. I suggest we interact (in both physical and digital spaces) with loving detachment. Loving detachment asks us to witness good and bad with the compassionate awareness that people mess up. Communities do not always live up to their ideals. Facing imperfect situations, loving detachment reminds us, “Oh well…It happens. I control *my* response and no one else’s.” At which point loving detachment frees us to act as necessary: to refocus, keep silent, speak up, take a stand, walk away, give hugs, or whatever else is necessary.

However, calls for "hoop-love" and "positivity" are 

often used to police our community and silence 

dissenting voices.

On the other hand, when we are compelled to continually police how well other people live up to that vision, we quickly create problems. Fighting for perfection creates a dystopia rather than a utopia. When find ourselves policing ourselves and one another, healthy debate and divergent voices are silenced. The lively, messy exchange of ideas and even humor are stifled in favor of continual agreement, continual perfection.

I personally would rather inhabit a community where people disagree, complain, compete, or throw occasional tantrums than a community where certain topics and styles of communication become taboo for fear of being perceived as negative.

Love and respect are worthy visions. However, I hope this post challenges us all to consider both the positive and negative implications of how we manifest that vision in our community. Any conversation of community values and policy must consider the nuances and unintended consequences of that community vision.

Rather than lamenting a lack of love and 

issuing reductive calls for unity, the hooping 

community  must  examine the ways our 
ideals undermine themselves by valuing
agreement over discourse. 

Based on my personal observation, our community runs a far greater risk of silencing and policing based on perceived community collapse than risking a real break down of the hooping community and its core values. Thus I encourage all hoopers to combine love with detachment and keep the unavailable messiness of human communities in mind.

Do you agree? Disagree? How do we create a space that’s supportive of both ideals and imperfections?